Why VBAC after a Special Scar?

Collected by Jessica Tiderman

I asked the women who are on the Special Scars ~ Special Women Facebook group to tell me in 50 words or less why they wanted to VBAC.  Some of them had a hard time with the 50 words or less part, but this is what they had to say.

Rowen B – Well I did vbac already but leading up to it: To be triumphant!  To know that my body and mind was capable of it and to not have to heal from that horrible experience again.  To prove ‘them’ wrong!

Katie P – To give my baby the birth he deserves!

Katie P – Bc I knew I could do it, had to prove it to myself and to those who said otherwise, bc I believe our bodies are made wonderfully!

Katie P – Bc c-sections suck, the drugs suck, the surgery sucks, it’s bad for our bodies, it’s bad for our babies (unless it’s saving our babies), it just sucks.  If it’s not truly necessary, then why do that?

Katie P – Epidurals suck.  Did I say that already? Lol

Rowen B – I should also add: because I wanted to hold, touch, see, feed and bond with my baby before everyone else!

Katie P – Recovering from major abdominal surgery while caring for a newborn and other kids really sucks.

Katie P – And yes Rowen!  I wanted to hold my baby first!  Have his cord pulse out, I love vernixy babies right on my chest!  I wanted to nurse right away, and coherently, not drugged up on morphine.

Katie P – I wanted just one birth where I didn’t feel defeated and broken.  I wanted that empowerment.  I wanted my babies to all have dignified gentle births.

Ruth M – To do the absolute best by my baby, myself, and our family.  Because it’s the right way to birth – if possible.  Because it’s natural, and what God designed us to do.  We are not broken women.

Cari S – Because I want to finally say ‘I did it!  I pushed a baby out of my vagina!’  I want the first touch, look, smell of my baby.  I don’t want to feel broken any more.

Krysta M – To keep from the constant pain, night terrors and flashbacks after the last one and to give her the best start I can.

Kristi U – Because I don’t want the number of kids I can have to be determined by adhesions, risks of rupture, “a too thin uterus”, or thousands of other c-section complications.  And also because of had a natural birth before and I desperately want to give that to myself and my baby again!!

Christina F – My YEARBOOK quote from 1995: “The greatest pleasure in life is to do what others say you can’t”  After pushing 2hrs with my 1st, 4 hrs with my 2nd I need to prove to myself that I am not broken.  That my 1st c-section ss did not leave me too damaged to birth.

Courtney H – I have to admit, my biggest reason, once I realized how opposed everyone was, was just to prove everyone wrong.  Of course, it’s best for baby and mom, much easier recovery (with two other kids that was important), better for bonding and attachment, which I’ve had issues with in the past.  Basically because it’s normal and what our bodies and our babies were made to do.

Patty H – Because I don’t like not even given a chance to try when I think I can do it!

Sprite – I want to vbac because I want my baby to choose when he/she is ready.  My body IS capable, my baby and I CAN DO THIS!  The hospital and medwives destroyed my trust in them, not in natural birth.

Kylee S – My spirit tells me I can.  The doctors said “You’ll never be a candidate for a trial of Labor” which I never 100% bought in to from the start.  I have a vagina.  I’m a great candidate for a natural birth.  It never aligned with the way I felt – that voice inside that I think our society has learned to silence.  Then of course there was the pain after the cesarean, compared to my three other births, I’d rather die than endure that pain again.

Sarah G – because I want my baby to feel my hands first, to hear my voice first and to be embraced.  I want to feel my body giving birth and not feel the horrible, excruciating pain of recovery that made me feel like I wanted to die, let alone even realize that I was a mother…

Jessica G – I didn’t want a 4th c section or another preemie baby.  I wanted to be able to hold my baby right after delivery not wait 3 hours after recovery, and not have to worry about breastfeeding issues I had with all my other kids, the thrush from pain meds that I would pass to my babies.  Every time I watched a baby story or heard other women’s vag births I would want to cry.  Oh and because EVERY doctor told me I couldn’t. 😉

Amy F – I wanted control and choice because I hated the way my c/s made me feel physically and emotionally.  I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else I could do it.  I wanted to feel my body birth and give my baby the peaceful entrance she deserved.  I wanted healing.

Bronwyn F – I didn’t want to choose VBAC.  That’s the default end of a post-c-section pregnancy.  I would have had to choose RCS, and I did NOT want to choose that.  But we all know that there is an uphill battle for VBAC at all much less for one of us.  I chose VBAC because it seemed in all ways the healthier route.

Shannon R – Because my baby deserves it, my body can do it, and it’s the right choice for my family.

Sarah B – For every reason listed above and because for me just the sight of the doors that lead to OB Surgery in my hospital scares the ever living crap out of me to this day.  Whether on TV or in person, I see those doors and I panic.  I can’t imagine having to go through them again.

Shannon R – I also agree with Sarah, I had severe PTSD after my SS, I still to this day have nightmares about the surgery and recovery.  It took me months to walk upright and without severe pain.

Jewel S – I want a bigger family than RCS would allow, I want a “quiet” birth where I can get up and walk about right away, I want to give birth the way God intended.  That being said, my CS was one of the necessary ones and I am thankful I had the option when I needed it.

Rosie S – B/c unless absolutely medically necessary a c-section “just because” is the wrong answer.  Natural vaginal birth is best for mama *and* baby.  We would like more children and everything about my mama instinct (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual) tells me to at least TRY with everything that I have for a vbac for my baby, myself, and my family.  Except for a teeny tiny little nervous fear that I have about the small chance that my special scar will rupture (if it’s even still there!) I have complete peace about my decision.  Other body parts are operated on all the time and are expected to be used again, why should the uterus be any different?!  The human body is amazing and is designed to heal.

Amanda L – Physically, I would much rather take the full pain of labour over a relatively short period of time vs the long drawn out pain of recovery from a RCS.
Emotionally, I want to bond with my baby immediately, not hours later.  I want to know that they came when they were good and ready.  I want to be responsible for the birth of my child.

Leigh Ann F – I want to be fully aware and never wake up so empty feeling with my baby whisked away, while I lay flat on my back.  I want that moment where the baby lays on my chest and is just mine for a few more moments.  I never again want my labor to be so supervised where I am starved, begging for mercy laid back in a bed.  I never want to hear my baby cry in the middle of the night and be unable to get up to get him because of the huge incision across my abdomen, and the other various tubes attached to every other part of me.  Most of all I just want to do what I was born to do, birth babies naturally.

Jade S – Being treated less than human on the OR table.  Hearing the doctors talk about me like I wasn’t there.  Not being able to hold my baby right away & having the medical staff treat me like my baby is their property & that they care about my baby’s well-being more than I do.

Rebekah J – What great responses!!!!!  I have had a vaginal birth and I have had an emergency c-section.  After a vaginal birth it doesn’t hurt to laugh, sneeze or walk.  I want 3+ more babies, but cannot bear the thought of 3+ more surgeries.  And I don’t want nursery nurses telling me when or where I can hold, feed or carry MY baby!

Rosie S – Rebekah, me too!  I had two vaginal births before my emergency cs due to cord prolapse and for the life of me cannot bring myself to simply sign up for RCS after experiencing both.  The recovery was extremely difficult, painful (physically, emotionally, and mentally), and left me w/ PPD and PTSD that I didn’t even really know I had until later and looking back.  My csss son was also by far my neediest, clingiest, and has been our child with the most health needs.  He is doing extremely well, we love him so much, and he is the sweetest lil’ boy ever but there is a marked difference in my vaginal babies vs. my c-section baby!

Sprite – What Rosie said!  I lucked out with the recovery though but still the difference between vaginal and c-section was very noticeable.  I know all kids are different, born with their own personalities, ect. but Rowen is the crankiest, moodiest little thing and has been since birth.  He’s such a sweetie though and absolutely hilarious though, and we’re extremely lucky to have him.  We love him so much but I can’t help but wonder if his birth experience had been a more positive one…

Kimrose M – I wanted a birth that didn’t feel tragic – that didn’t leave me feeling traumatized.  I hadn’t really considered having another child until I knew it was at least possible to think about a VBAC (ie., when I “found” Jessica – then just a few of us I think – 2007?) I literally couldn’t imagine going through what I’d been through again.  I wanted hope, I wanted healing.  I didn’t need perfect, but I needed a chance.  I didn’t get perfect either – but what I got birth-wise, was FAR BETTER than the emergency c-section/unconscious after all the natural birth work and pushing.  I had felt beaten, battered, traumatized – literally, like I was the victim of an attack – timid and like I would have pulled back if you touched me… I needed that memory to be covered by something not-as-harsh… to not have a birth-hurt hanging over me for life.  It’s still there – I have a few different scars now – but the VBAC was WORTH IT.

And finally, one of them posted this, which I thought summed it up perfectly:

Mandy W – We aren’t asking for a perfect birth experience.  We aren’t expecting it to be pain-free or easy or even comfortable.  No.  We are asking to be given the right to experience the oldest and most basic and fundamental process of human life.  Something that has already been denied to us.
We want to feel.  To feel every ounce of intensity.  Every contraction surging through our bodies.  The sweat trickling down our faces.  To endure to a point we never knew our spirits could go.  To feel our bodies expand and unite with our maker in the selfless and sacred act of bringing a precious new soul into mortal existence.  To grasp with every sense the power, the strength, and the triumph of birth.
We are strong.  And we are NOT broken.

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